Why Use Mindfulness Self Compassion?
As we embark on the road toward change, we will bump into many roadblocks, setbacks and occasional slip-ups that do not make us proud.
If you are trying to make a change, mistakes are likely to happen.
Today, I want to talk about a different and more caring way you may use when you make a mistake or experience a misstep.
A Bit Of Background:
With a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, years of experience working in therapy, various pieces of training as a yoga teacher, having attended many mindfulness courses and retreats, you would think I have it all together and I am an air-floating superhuman Zen master.
Yet, when I want to make a change for the better – for example, drop a habit that does not serve me well – the moments of “not so proud” are still abound.
Do I speak to myself harshly then?
Yes, you bet.
Sometimes even out loud for everyone to hear.
Why? Because I am a human being and I am built the same as everyone else.
I make mistakes, then I judge myself – sometimes harshly.
This is why I love and use Dr. K. Neff’s “Self Compassion Break”.
It took me a very long time to become comfortable with applying Mindfulness Self Compassion (MSC ) to my own struggles.
It felt like there was a wall preventing any act of self-kindness, but thankfully with continued practice, that wall softened.
Now I use MSC both personally, and in my Psychology work with clients, and I find it really helps.
What Is Mindfulness Self Compassion (MSC)?
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leader in the field of Mindfulness Self Compassion, describes Self-compassion as simply: “Compassion directed inward.”
It is the action of kindness and care to ourselves when we are suffering, feel like we have failed, have feelings of inadequacies, and are being self-critical.
MSC is a way to deal with setbacks and struggles, in which we treat ourselves the way we would treat a small child that is hurt, or our best friend at his greatest time of need: with love, kindness, care, and compassion.
For some bizarre reason, it is easy to be caring towards others and yet it is almost inconceivable when it is about ourselves.
Self-Compassion is conceptualized as containing 3 core components when relating to painful experiences.:
- self-kindness (versus self-judgment),
- common humanity (versus isolation),
- and mindfulness (versus over-identification),
Self-kindness:
This means being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we are in emotional pain.
The inner talk is kind and encouraging rather than harsh and judgmental.
We acknowledge the shortcomings but without harsh judgment.
Common humanity
It’s about seeing that, as humans, we are imperfect, and, that we are not alone in our suffering.
With pain and suffering, we often feel that it’s only “ME” who is struggling and thus contributing to a feeling of isolation.
Mindfulness
Involves noticing (without self-identification) our painful thoughts and emotions as they are–internal events, which are not synonymous with reality.
When we self-identify (or over-identify) with our thoughts and feelings, we take them as true and reflecting who we really are.
On your journey towards improved health and well being, if a setback takes place, try the self-compassion break below as soon as you notice you are speaking to yourself unkindly.
You may find it more helpful than self-flagellation and I can guarantee it will be definitely more pleasant!
(from K. Neff’s self compassion break):
Say to yourself:
-
There is a moment of suffering
That’s mindfulness.
Consider these options:
- This hurts.
- Ouch.
- This is a pain.
-
Suffering is a part of life
That’s common humanity.
Consider these options:
- Other’s feel this way.
- I’m not alone.
- We all have pain in our lives.
Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest.
Or adopt a soothing touch that you feel is right for you.
Say to yourself:
3. May I try and be kind to myself
You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?”
Is there a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation, such as:
- I give myself the compassion that I need
- May I accept myself as I am
- May I learn to accept myself as I am
- May I forgive me.
- May I be strong.
- May I be patient
This practice can be used at any time of the day or night, and it will help you remember to evoke the three core components of self-compassion when you need it most.
Self-compassion is relevant when considering personal inadequacies, mistakes, and failures, as well as when confronting painful life situations that are outside our control.
We hope these tips provide you with some insights and assistance to living your most brain healthy life.
Why not leave a comment below and tell us, in what areas you’re going to exercise a little more self-care?
If you enjoyed reading this blog, and want to see more of our articles relating to changing behaviors, check out some of our other feature articles and videos by clicking on the links below:
- How To Move Past Thoughts Of Negativity – Blog
- How Your Mindset Can Impact Your Everyday Life – Blog
- Is Your Mind Getting In The Way Of Your Life? – Video
- 3 Ways To Handle Intense Emotions Healthily – Video
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